


It Might Just Be Fantastic

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Children, Drama, F/M, Family, Post Bartlett Administration, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-15
Updated: 2007-12-15
Packaged: 2019-05-31 08:52:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15115991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: He wondered if she still knew he was a bit ticklish there.  Ellie discovered that quite by accident and it amused her.





	It Might Just Be Fantastic

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: I have wanted to write this coupling for a long time but talked myself out of it because I was not sure it would work. They have proven me wrong and I am so glad. Vega gave so much encouragement, and so did Ginny. Raedbard woke the muse and I thank them all.  


* * *

He had the dream again. The one where she was an angel, floating just out of his reach. She was dressed in sheer white robes; her curvy breasts and hips the same as the last time he saw her without clothing. Her halo shone like moonlight and her beautiful wings spread as far as his eyes could see. The very scent of her filled the entire room; it seized his senses. Rainwater and floral that made him imagine her dressed in virginal whites running through a meadow of wildflowers. Her brown curls would flow behind her and flyaways caressed her face like a lover’s hand.

He woke drenched in sweat, reaching for her and calling her name. The dream came to him more and more now; he did not know why. He also could not shake it from his mind. Turning on his side, Toby Ziegler flipped his pillow and rested his head on the cool cotton. It was easier to catch his breath tonight though the heartbeat under his tee shirt was erratic. Trying to shake it off, Toby shut his eyes again. The sun was not up yet…he had a few hours yet.

The dream was trying to tell him something but he was not ready to listen. Too many other things were on his mind, like finals and having the twins with him after Christmas. He had no time to walk down this road again. Absolutely no time. Toby reminded himself of that as he began to drift back to sleep. The will of his heart, if that was even what it was, was not as strong as the will of his mind. Not anymore.

***

He hated Starbucks but it was close to campus and the Dunkin Donuts near his Brooklyn home was more crowded than usual that morning. He did not want to miss his train into Manhattan so standing in this long line was his compromise. Toby really hated Starbucks. He felt fidgety as the line moved at a good pace. Something was about to happen to him. 

The former White House Communications Director developed a sixth sense in his 40s. It was not going to be something of the duck and cover variety but beads of sweat formed on his forehead and he heard bells in his ears. Maybe he was just being paranoid. Of course he heard bells in his ears…Manhattan at Christmastime was one big bell. No, he felt it deep in his stomach. It was the same churning Toby felt before those crazy bastards started shooting at them in Virginia.

“Excuse me; I think we know each other.”

Toby froze when he felt the delicate hand on his shoulder. He gripped the overpriced coffee he had just purchased, too hot for human consumption, as his brain battled with what he would do next. Taking a deep breath, and holding it, he turned around.

“Oh…” her eyes were bright. “I thought you used to work for my father but you are not that man. I'm sorry. Wait…did we sleep together once?”

Now he grinned. Toby managed not to look directly into her eyes yet. The linoleum on the floor captivated him for the moment.

“Hello Toby Ziegler.”

“Hello Ellie Bartlet.”

“You look good.” She said.

He quirked his lips in something that resembled a smile.

“I look old…I feel old.”

“Mmm, maybe a bit around the temples.” She touched his grey hair and Toby exhaled. He caressed her hand, unable to stop himself. “You do look good.”

The awkward silence crept in next. Ellie had anticipated as much, it nearly stopped her from stopping her. This was not the first time she had seen Toby. For a borough of 1.6 million, Manhattan could resemble a small town sometimes. Something stopped her from approaching him every time. She was not ready…he was not ready for her. Now that her father’s presidency was five years over, maybe it was time.

Refusing to think too much about it, or talk herself out of it, Ellie Bartlet embraced him. His body was warm and his heart thumped in his chest. Toby hated being caught off guard. It almost made him drop his coffee cup but he held onto it and Ellie too.

“It is so good to see you.” She whispered the words into the crook of his neck.

He wondered if she still knew he was a bit ticklish there. Ellie discovered that quite by accident and it amused her.

“I um…” he stepped away. Not far away, but away. “I don’t want to be late.”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “Look,” she opened her purse and pulled out a card. “Call me; I would love to catch up.” She covered her eyes. “Oh God, that is a lie.”

“That’s a lie?” Toby raised an eyebrow.

“I do not want to dwell on the past and I'm sure you don’t either. I don’t want to catch up; I want to talk about now.”

He looked at the card. Dr. Eleanor Bartlet, Assistant Director of Research, Hudson University Medical Center. A lab rat through and through, now she had a snazzy title.

“What are you doing now?” Toby asked.

“We’ll talk soon.” she touched his hand. “Go, I don’t want you to be late Toby. Call me.”

He just stared at her. God, she was still beautiful. She did not look as wide-eyed and innocent as she once had but her knowledge and understanding of the big, bad world did nothing to diminish her splendor.

“I’ll call you.” He mumbled, shoving the card into the pocket of his slacks. “Goodbye Ellie.”

She could not say those words again; had said them too much over the years. Instead, she just leaned and kissed his cheek. It surprised him and that suited her just fine. Toby watched her walk to the door and out into the winter morning. The sound of bells again filled his head. He was unable to move from the spot where he stood longer than anticipated. He was late for his staff meeting anyway. It did not matter to Toby. Other things occupied his mind as of right now.

***

Thirty-five hours…that was how long the card burned a hole in his pocket and his hand before he called her. First though, Andi called him. He did not think he was in the mood but the conversation was one they had to have.

“Huck and Molly will be on the train arriving at 2:45 into Grand Central Station on the 26th.” She said. “They will be tired but excited.”

“Are you sure they will be alright on the train alone?” Toby asked.

Usually their mother came with them, the four of them would have lunch and Andi would take a later train back to Baltimore. Toby’s children lived outside of Baltimore with their mother. There was nothing he could do about that. They shared joint custody but Andi was the primary parent.

“They are going to be fine. The conductor always checks on them. They are excited about their first train trip alone. Don’t worry.”

“I will do just that until they are both in my arms.” He replied.

“They are certainly anxious to see their father.”

“Good.”

“Huck may ask you a lot of questions about Judaism. Be prepared to be bombarded.”

Toby looked forward to it. He wished he could spend more time with his children. Two weekends a month, a school break here and there, time between Christmas and New Year, and one month in the summer. He wondered if Huck and Molly ever felt as cheated as he did. If they did, they never said a word. Maybe they didn’t feel the need to bog down precious time with their father by complaining about something that could not be changed. 

Perhaps Toby just thought too hard about it. They were just nine years old and always happy when he was with them. Of course he remembered what it was like to grow up without a father. It left a mark on him that would never go away. His children did not need that gaping wound on their unblemished skin.

“Andi, tell Molly I didn’t forget. I will be at the Christmas pageant. Nothing could ever make me miss my daughter playing the Angel of the Lord.”

“Its December 19th at 7:30.” She said.

He hated that she always felt the need to tell him something he already knew. There was little chance of breaking her out of the habit this late in the game.

“I have to go.” He said. “Kiss the kids and tell them I will talk to them soon.”

“I will. Toby, are you alright?”

“Do I sound as if I'm not?” 

“You're answering me with questions; that’s a pretty good indication. Do you want to talk about it? You know I am still concerned about you. I'm here to listen if you ever want to talk.”

“Don’t...” Toby bit down on his lower lip. He didn’t want to be angry with Andi. They were getting along just fine these days though their contact was usually limited to phone calls and occasional joint parent ventures. She didn’t love him and that was OK because he didn’t love her either. At first, he just told himself that he didn’t, it made things easier, and then one day it was true. “I'm fine Andi. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Impossible.”

“Goodnight.” Better to end it now before she got to the part where she said she would always care about him. Toby couldn’t be sure if she meant for it to come out as condescending as it always did.

“Goodnight Pokey.”

Toby ended the phone call, pushing in Ellie’s number without even thinking. Halfway into the first ring he hung up. Shit, shit, shit! That was not a good move. She would know it was him. No, no, she didn’t have his number. She wouldn’t know it was him. Still, what was he 16? Men his age did not hang up. Of course they did, but were smart enough to do so after dialing only nine digits. When it was ringing they just dealt with the consequences, no matter if they came out looking like an ass. That was part of being a man.

Toby closed his eyes, running his hand over his tired face. Her hair was red now. It was a sexy auburn that conjured images of Lee Remick in his mind. Toby had a weakness for redheads and Lee Remick was all woman. He never liked Ellie as a blonde anyway. It made her look weary and pale. 

Ellie laughed about her hair when she visited him before her wedding. He could not believe that she showed up considering what he was going through. The middle Bartlet daughter frequently chose an alternative path than those around her. She told him that she dyed it because she lost a bet and didn’t want to appear a bad sport. She walked into the salon as Norma Jean and emerged Marilyn Monroe. 

She also told him that she did not love Vic as much as he loved her. Her admission floored Toby and he did not know how to respond. She was pregnant though and did not want to do anything to draw attention to herself or her famous family. Ellie also knew there were not many men who got her…this might be her only chance at that kind of happiness. Vic would be good to her, they would make each other happy, and the rest would fall into place. It would be a content life and she looked forward to it. Toby dialed the number again.

“Dr. Eleanor Bartlet.” There was silence on the other end of the phone and she immediately knew who it was. “Hello?”

“Will you let me take you to dinner, Dr. Eleanor Bartlet?”

“Yes.”

She breathed out the word, transporting Toby back to their one night together. Her mouth tasted like bourbon though she was not intoxicated. Her skin was so soft; Toby was sure it was the softest he would ever touch. She whimpered when he was inside of her. It caused him to pull back; he tended to get aggressive when excited. Ellie wanted all he had to give. She told him she would not break. Toby feared he might but she would not be denied.

A different Ellie came out in bed. While the years and trials robbed Toby of so much, his memory of her and their one night was vivid. It was as if it happened a few days before and not a decade ago. He took a deep breath and was embraced by the scent of her. It both comforted and scared the hell out of him. He had his share of flings and one-night stands…it never felt like this before.

“Tomorrow night?”

“I have an evening of meetings. It can't be tomorrow.”

“Meetings on Friday night?”

“As crazy as it might sound I always plan it that way. I know it’s a mind fuck but it makes the weekend more relaxing. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah.” Toby smiled. “Saturday night then?”

“Yes. Where are you taking me?”

“Wherever you like.”

“I'm not very picky.” She said. “I just need good food, good conversation, and a good companion.”

“Two out of three ain’t bad.”

“No, its not. I am willing to settle for mediocre food if I am with you.”

“Ellie…”

“Yes?”

“Shall I pick you up?” It was a good idea to stick to the subject at hand. There was too much going on in his head right now. If he said something else, it might come out wrong and Toby didn’t want to risk it.

“I live at 73 Worth Street, Apartment 5A. I'm living high on the hog in trendy Tribeca.”

“Hudson Medical Center pays well?” he asked.

“It does. I used Vic’s life insurance for the down payment on the condo. I planned to pay mortgage like a normal person but my mother bought the place. I tried to stop her but you of all people know what she is like when she is on a mission. I managed to talk my father out of it but she would not hear it. She said it was for little Ellie…knew I would not turn down something for my daughter.”

Toby heard little after Vic’s life insurance. Ellie was a widow. It was not as if he had forgotten; it was another thing pushed from his memory. The dream, he started having the dream again after Vic died. He remembered Donna calling him to let him know. She read about it in the New York Times and then got a call from Jed Bartlet. She thought since Toby and Ellie lived in the same city that he should stop by and offer condolences. He bought a card, poured his heart into the words and put it in one of his drawers. It was probably still there. That was in mid January.

“I will be there at 7:30.” He said.

“How should I dress?”

“Such things matter little to me.”

“Well, alright. I just thought…”

“You are going to be pretty in whatever you wear.” Toby stumbled over the words.

Ellie smiled on the other end of the phone.

“Thank you Toby. I will see you on Saturday. Goodnight.”

He did not want to hang up but it was probably a better idea. He said goodnight and closed his cell phone. Saturday was too close and too damn far away. He should probably buy a new tie, maybe a new dress shirt. Such things mattered greatly to him.

***

“Hi Dad!”

“Huckleberry! Child of mine!”

He laughed and Toby was suddenly reminded of David. How was it possible that his son laughed like his dead brother?

“What are you doing?”

“Reading final exams for Contemporary Political Ideologies. Right now I am examining a horribly pretentious interpretation of Das Kapital.”

“Does that means it sucks?” Huck asked.

“Very much so.”

He laughed again.

“Can you stop and talk to me?”

“You know I always want to talk to you. What's happening?”

“Well, Grandma told me that Jewish people don’t celebrate Christmas but I told her that we give you Christmas presents every year. Why would we do that if you didn’t celebrate? I wanted to tell Grandma that I thought she was wrong but she gets mad when I do that.”

“Jewish people don’t celebrate Christmas Huck.”

“Why not? Why didn’t you tell me? Is Hanukkah like Jewish people Christmas? Are they the same thing? Why didn’t you tell me? You have to tell me these things so that I know them. I wanna celebrate Hanukkah too.”

“Slow down kiddo. Hanukkah and Christmas are not the same thing. I planned to tell you everything you need to know as soon as I was sure you were old enough to understand.”

“I'm nine now,” Huck said. “I can understand. I want to know, especially if it’s important to you.” Huck spoke in that tone. The same tone he used to inform his father that he was a big boy at 2 ½. His tone sounded a lot like David too now that Toby thought about it. “So grandma was right when she said Jewish people don’t believe in Jesus? I thought she said it because she doesn’t really like you.”

“Its not that we don’t believe in Jesus." Toby replied, smirking. Kaye Wyatt was a real piece of work. His kids would be far away from that woman if he had anything to say about it. Unfortunately, he had not been consulted and never would be. Andi was well aware of how he felt about her mother. More importantly, she knew how her mother felt about Toby. "Well, our faith does not follow the doctrine that Jesus is the son of God the Father.”

“What's a doctrine?”

“Doctrine. D-O-C-T-O-R-I-N-E. Look it up as soon as we get off the phone, alright. According to our faith, the savior has not yet come to Earth. First-born sons are an important part of Judaism because the prophecy says the Messiah will be a first-born son. That is why Caesar Augustus set about slaughtering them; it’s why Mary fled from Nazareth to Bethlehem in the first place. Well, there was also the issue of taxation but that story is not as adventurous.”

“I'm a first born son.” Toby knew his son well enough to know that Huck was pointing to himself as he said it. It was something he got from his mother. “If I am Jewish now does that mean I don’t believe in Jesus? Should I stop going to Sunday school? I don’t like it anyway because Missy Chaplin is always trying to kiss me and the teacher says I ask too many questions.”

“Firstly, never stop asking questions.” Toby said. “Understand?”

“Yes.” Huck was certainly nodding. That was also inherited from Andi.

“Secondly, I want to have this conversation with both you and your sister when you come to visit me. It is a bit complicated but it’s also important. You can't know who you will become if you don’t know who you are Huck. Never forget that.”

“I won't. I miss you dad.”

“I miss you too. How is math?”

“Better. Long division still sucks but I have a tutor now. I am doing much better with fractions. Oh my God dad, I hit a home run. I can't believe I forgot to tell you. It was on Saturday and mom took pictures at the game. It wasn’t as cool as when we saw it in Yankees Stadium but it was pretty sweet to run all the way home and know they couldn’t stop me.”

“That is wonderful.” Toby was missing too much. He was angry at Andi for just a moment; she should have sent him some pictures of his son’s crowning moment. “Over Christmas break we will go to the batting cages and fatten up that arm. How does that sound?”

“Cool! Hey dad?”

“Hey Huck.” Toby smiled.

“If mom gets married again you will still be me and Molly’s dad, right?”

“Molly and I.” Toby gently corrected his son, thinking of his own mother. Bad grammar was where Miriam Ziegler drew her line. “And no matter what happens I will always be your father. Forever, and ever and ever. Probably even longer than that. Are we talking about Roger?”

Roger Gatling was an entrepreneur from Baltimore. His family was old money but as far as Toby saw he was not gainfully employed anywhere except as Andi's arm candy. He wondered how much that paid. The press called him a philanthropist but the man was no Rupert Murdoch. He and Andi had been seeing each other for about a year and a half. Perhaps it was more serious than Toby was made aware. He still could not understand how Andi saw something in him once and then found herself attracted to men like Roger Gatling. Maybe that’s why there was no real chance of it ever working between them. 

“We’re just talking.” Huck said. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Huck…” Toby laughed. “Huckleberry…”

“What? Mom dates Roger but you don’t date anybody. Why not? I read on the computer that there are 12 million people in New York. Some of them have to be pretty women. You are an interesting man.”

“Am I?”

“Of course you are. You used to work for the President and risked your freedom for people’s lives. You like the Yankees, read a lot of books and make yummy omelets. You should try dad. Betcha you will find a girlfriend in like a day.”

How did Huck know about things that almost put his father in federal prison for six years? Had his mother told him and his sister about it? It most certainly sounded better telling it as if Toby was some kind of hero. It might not have gone over as well during visiting day at the Cumberland Federal Correctional Institution.

“I will make a note of that.” Toby said.

“Promise?”

“I promise. I love you.”

“I love you too dad, a whole lot.”

“Tell Molly I love her. Where is she?”

“A sleepover at Cynthia Campbell’s house. They’re probably eating pizza and watching girlie movies.”

“Right.”

“OK. Go back to reading about capitals.” Huck said giggling.

Toby laughed. He wanted to ask Huck if he was a good father but he already knew what his son’s answer would be. It would take years to know if he had done right by Huck and Molly. Toby never wanted their mother’s prediction of his sadness affecting his children to come true. Of course, despite it all, Toby never thought he was sad. Tired, yes. World weary, you better believe it. But he was not sad. Melancholy is the term he preferred and he would not describe himself with that adjective everyday. It was just a part of him as so many other things were.

“Bye dad.”

“Talk to you soon. Bye.”

After another hour of grading papers, Toby gave up for the evening. It was snowing outside and he watched from his kitchen window as he reheated shrimp and broccoli in the microwave. He poured himself a glass of Southern Comfort, went into the living room and turned on the television. Minus a few bright spots, television was Toby’s least favorite thing. Channel flipping, however, had become a nightly ritual and compulsion. That meant he needed to get a life.

He started at Sportscenter and worked his way up. Law and Order was on, that was not out of the ordinary. Wild Kingdom profiled the rhinoceros; golf played on the Golf Channel. Toby flipped past music videos he did not understand, Fox News, C-Span, Murder She Wrote, a Brat Pack film, Friends, something starring Meredith Baxter, City Confidential…Toby stopped cold on TCM. 

The opening credits started on Shadow of a Doubt. This was Ellie Bartlet’s favorite film and one he was quite fond of. Watching an in-depth documentary on Hitchcock once, Toby found out this was the director’s favorite of all his films. It disappointed Toby that it was not Vertigo. He wondered if Ellie knew that. Would it be ridiculous to call her right now and tell her? Toby decided it would be but that was not what stopped him.

She had meetings tonight; she might not be home. If she was, she was probably resting and spending time with her daughter. He did not want to interrupt her personal time. Toby instead settled in with the movie, it had been a while since he had seen it. Joseph Cotten’s sophisticated sociopath never ceased to fascinate him. Tomorrow he would tell Ellie that he watched it. Her eyes would probably light up and that would be thanks enough.

***

Ellie was quite surprised that her stomach did not ache. Nerves usually made her tired and nauseous. She did not feel that way tonight and she had to wonder why. This would be the third time she spruced up the house in an hour. Doubtful Toby would be there longer than 10 minutes. She willed herself to calm down, pouring a half-glass of Pinot Noir. She stood at the counter sipping it and wondering where he would take her tonight. A piece of her thought about calling him when she got in last night around eight thirty. After her shower, Ellie found Shadow of a Doubt on cable and the thought left her mind.

Her door buzzed. Ellie checked herself once more in the mirror before pressing the button.

“Toby?”

“Yeah.” He cleared his throat.

“Come on up.”

She let him in and went back to her glass of wine. Ellie was struck by the memory of her first date with Vic. His tie did not quite match his shirt and they frequently spoke at the same time. It made them laugh for most of the evening. Who knew something so annoying could be such an icebreaker. He got better with his ties over the years.

“Hi.”

She leaned on the front door, the smile on her face almost a force of nature.

“You look very nice.” Toby said. He came in and handed her forget-me-nots.

In black slacks, a blue sweater with a deep v-neck and a white shirt underneath, Ellie was casual but dressy. Only women could pull that look off and Toby wondered why that was. He looked at her feet too, liking the kitten heeled boots. He chastised himself for thinking of her in nothing but them and a string of pearls. Where had the pearls fantasy come from?

“These are lovely. Can I get you a drink or something?”

“No. I had one before I left home.”

“Nerves?” Ellie asked.

Toby smirked but said nothing. Ellie excused herself to the kitchen with her flowers. He liked the living room; hardwood floors, large windows, and lovely maroon furniture with wood tables. Two large bookshelves were crammed with books. There were medical journals, classic fiction, and social commentary. She seemed to love suspense novels, which surprised Toby. It was also something they had in common.

He was drawn to the photos on her mantle, finding only one of her late husband. He cradled their small daughter at the Manchester farm. There were photos of her sisters and people he figured were her friends.

“Oh my God Ellie, is this Victoria?”

She came up behind him, placing her hand on his shoulder.

“That’s Ellie. My mother called her that from the moment she came from the womb and it just stuck. Her name is Victoria Eleanor Faison.”

“She is beautiful.”

Little Ellie had a head full of wild brown curls like her father, and her mother’s soft hazel eyes, more brown than green this time of year. Strangely, her smile was all Jed Bartlet. It could be because they were in the photo together but Toby saw so much of the former President in her face.

“She’s…”

“Nothing like me, thank God.” Ellie replied laughing.

“Is she much like her father?” Toby asked, regretting the question as soon as it came out of his mouth.

“A little bit. She has Vic's goofy laugh and his strange sense of humor. The funny thing is that I see so much of my own father in her. She is smart, vibrant, and never stops talking. She is always, asking and wondering. The pleasure I have with her is like nothing I have ever felt before.”

“Where is she?”

“In Manchester with my parents. I will be joining them for Christmas on the 24th.”

“Do you spend much time with your parents?” His last awkward encounter with Jed Bartlet filled Toby’s mind.

“No.” she shook her head. “Work keeps me busy. Hey,” she took his hand as he put the picture down. “Where are you taking me tonight, Toby Ziegler?”

“The Harrison.”

“Ooh, I love that restaurant. I better get my coat.”

She went to walk away but Toby pulled her back. There was a moment when nothing happened; the air in the room even ceased to move. He bent and kissed her forehead. Ellie touched his cheek.

“I’ll be right back.”

“Alright.”

***

“I thought of calling you last night…Shadow of a Doubt was on.”

“Really?” Her eyes lit up before she focused on the plate in front of her. Ellie was eating a large salad. A plate of romaine lettuce, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, and strips of juicy chicken. She covered it in light honey mustard dressing.

“I thought you might be tired so I…”

“I was watching it too Toby. It’s my favorite film.”

“I know that.”

“You do? How do you know that?”

“You told me once. You said you never wanted to discuss it with your father though Hitchcock might be the one thing you have in common. You said you did not want to be roped into a three hour philosophical discussion on Hitchcockian themes and subversions.”

Now her smile was full and Toby felt the warmth when she slid her hand over his on the tabletop. 

“Is your memory always that good?” she asked.

“No. I tend to repress things though I am not always good at it.”

“Do you repress my father’s Presidency? I know I do sometimes.”

“Some of it.”

“I meant what I told you that day when I came to visit you. I admire what you did Toby. I won't ever stop doing that no matter what anyone thinks.”

“I would not go back and change it, even if I could. I would change what it did to some of the people close to me. I went into it with my eyes wide open and I was prepared to face the consequences of my actions. I sleep alright at night.” 

Ellie nodded. She looked as if a thousand words were on the tip of her tongue but they tumbled down her throat with her glass of wine. She instead asked if he enjoyed Columbia University.

“It’s a living. The never changing life of a college campus is good for me. Sometimes I look out and a few of them are really paying attention. Some are passionate, some of droll, and some just don’t give a good goddamn. I probably like it more than I am willing to admit.”

“Why won't you admit it?” she asked wearing a smile.

“I'm not sure how.”

“I will help…repeat after me. I love my job.”

“I love my job.” He said it slowly.

“That wasn’t very convincing. Tell me what you do love.”

“A good glass of bourbon.”

“You have that here. What else?”

“Hearing my kids’ laughter, especially when they laugh at me. Getting eight hours of sleep, sometimes nine if you can believe it. Donna’s twice-monthly phone calls. They make me feel like I am still a part of something even if I am not always comfortable with it. CJ’s random emails. Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer. A Yankees game, I will never cease to love a good Yankees game.”

“Some things never change.” Ellie said.

“Change can be highly overrated.”

“Everyone thought I should mourn more when Vic died. Especially Liz and she, as usual, had no problem expressing her opinion. To be sure, it was no picnic in the park for me. It hurt to be alone again because what we had was wonderful for me. We had our little family, rituals, and silly things people probably thought we were too boring to engage in. I miss him, I sincerely do, but I am not sure if I miss him as a wife should miss her late husband.”

“You don’t have to compare your feelings to anyone else’s Ellie.” Toby said, wondering why she told him that. “Especially Elizabeth; please don’t let someone like her get to you. You certainly never have to explain yourself to me. Everyone does things differently and you cannot be judged until someone is in the same boat.”

“I hear what you're saying. That knowledge has never once stopped me.”

“Maybe we should not talk about that tonight.”

“I think the cow on your plate might be mooing at me.” she said laughing.

“This is medium rare. That practically means medium well in restaurant terms. Back in the day I could get it raw if I wanted it that way but there are so many damn regulations on everything now a man can't have a bloody steak when he asks for it and pays a pretty penny for it.”

“I think you are confusing medium well for practically cooked.”

“Stop it.” he smiled. “I thought you were a vegetarian.”

“I dabble in chicken and fish. I was craving meat tonight. Anyway, Ellie’s diet includes meat so I've been slipping. I was never as dedicated to it as I should have been.”

“I cannot imagine you not being fully dedicated to everything you put your mind to Eleanor.”

The sound of her full name on his lips made her feel beautiful. She did not know why but it did. Did he know that? Was that why he used it? He couldn’t possibly know that.

“I put my mind to seven years of the viola. It was horrific. I don’t think I stayed in tune for one recital.”

Toby did his best not to laugh and failed. Soon they were both laughing; Ellie squeezed his hand.

“My daughter Molly plays the violin. She is quite good at it. She did not get her blossoming musical talent from me. I used to play harmonica in a pseudo fusion jazz band while I was in college. It was just an excuse to get laid.”

“Almost everything was an excuse to get laid in college. Do you spend much time with your children?”

“As much as I can. They are amazing; I can hardly believe they came from me.”

“They didn’t.” Ellie leaned closer to whisper.

Their faces were very close but he fought the urge to kiss her and won.

“You know what I meant. I was never sure I would be a father. I was never sure I would be a good father and I didn’t even know how I felt about kids. Then I held them both in my arms. My whole world changed in a fraction of an instant.”

“Huckleberry is your son’s name, right?”

“You better not call him that to his face. He hates his name but his mother insisted on it.”

“She does that a lot, huh?”

Toby ran his hand over his face. This time he managed to conceal his smile.

“Huck and Molly are my best accomplishment.” He said.

“Kids are really beautiful. I was never sure about parenthood either, and mine came on me rather suddenly. I remember staring at the blue stick thinking the whole exercise was going to be like a bad independent film. Vic, he knew I was going to be wonderful but I had serious doubts. Everything is an adventure with little Ellie. She has a spirit and an excitement that I don’t think I ever had. I'm fun when we are together.”

Toby just nodded, having a full understanding of that concept. Yankees Stadium and The Guggenheim were never as fascinating as they were when he took Huck and Molly. The world around them, a world Toby knew could be heartbreaking and cruel, was something to marvel. They loved to talk to people, discover new things, touch, feel, and laugh. He did the same things when he was with them. The twins carried the keys to his sometimes heavy heart.

“You look far away.” Ellie’s voice brought him out his memory. “Where do you go Toby?”

“Many different places.”

“Do you have a favorite?”

“It might seem silly.” He said.

“I don’t care.”

“Sometimes I go back in my mind to my White House office and throw that damn ball against Sam’s wall. It was never the same after he went to California. Some of the places I go are not good. Hey,” he took her hand, holding it palm up in his own. “I don’t want to be somewhere else tonight Ellie, or talk about being somewhere else. I am quite content right here with you.”

“Would you like to have dessert? The cherry pie here melts in your mouth.”

“I love cherry pie.”

“You love all pie, Toby Ziegler.” She replied.

“It’s a weakness.” He lowered his voice. “Don’t tell anyone.”

Ellie smiled, she pressed her lips closed, locked them and threw away the key. Toby pretended to catch it, slipping it into his pocket. He knew he would want to open those lips in the near future.

***

The snow fell in big but light flakes that glistened under the streetlights. A few inches were beneath their feet but it was powder-like. There was a little smile on Toby’s face when Ellie slipped her hand in his before they crossed Greenwich Street. It reminded him of something Molly would do; nothing about it seemed calculated or timed. Her purple gloves were soft, which Toby appreciated since he left his at home that evening. 

They did not talk much as they walked. It was a cold night but they were in no rush to be anywhere as they walked. The streets were as crowded as normal, if not more so. Christmas was in 15 days. Toby and Ellie found contentment in each other even surrounded by thousands of other people. Occasionally, he would glance at her, watching the air come from her nose as she breathed. Toby wondered what she was thinking but didn’t ask. It didn’t matter right now.

“The pie did melt in my mouth.” Toby said, breaking his silence.

“I told you. The chocolate mousse cake was delicious too. I don’t often indulge in dessert.”

“You should. You should gain a bit more weight Ellie.”

“What?” Ellie looked at him. “I'm only 5’ 6”.”

“You're too thin.” He said it in a matter of fact tone that took her back to that White House office where he threw the rubber ball against Sam’s wall. “I just mean to say that you used to be curvier, fleshier…I am not making any sense am I? You should just ignore me.”

“No.” she laughed. “I understand you, and it might not be a bad idea to occasionally indulge in my dessert fetish. I am addicted to brownies and golden vanilla ice cream.”

“You don’t have to because I said so. You were a very pretty girl Ellie; I mean um…you're still quite beautiful. Just thinner.”

Ellie squeezed his hand and smiled as they continued their walk. They were soon in front of her building; Ellie pulled her keys from a black leather Dooney and Bourke purse.

“I had a very nice time.” Toby released her hand.

“We should certainly do it again.”

“Yeah, that would be good for me. Well…”

“Come up for coffee Toby?”

She turned it into a question because she did not want to seem too aggressive. It was still early, Saturday night, and neither one of them had obligations awaiting them at their respective homes. Ellie was not anxious for her time with Toby to end.

“I probably shouldn’t.” he said. “I…”

“You what? C’mon, it’s cold out here and a long way back to Park Slope. It’s quite warm inside. What could be more tempting than coffee?”

Oh, so many things were more tempting. Toby just nodded, following her inside. They were quiet on the elevator, which played Steve Perry in Muzak form. At least Toby thought it might be Steve Perry. Oh, Sherrie, our love, holds on…yeah, it was Steve Perry. Ellie paid it little mind but her companion thought it very strange. At least the look on his face indicated so and she laughed when she looked at him.

“That look on your face should be patented for the first time people ride this elevator.” She said.

Toby just raised an eyebrow and Ellie laughed more. He liked the sound of it and tried to think of other ways to make her do it. Laughter was not Toby Ziegler’s expertise.

“One, I don’t think I will ever listen to Steve Perry the same way again. Two, I don’t recall hearing it the first time I was in here. Is it on some kind of timer?” he asked as they got out on the fifth floor. There were two other condominiums on the floor. Toby wondered what happened behind their closed doors as he walked past them with Ellie.

“Maybe you were distracted the first time. It’s always playing as far as I know.”

“I guess I was distracted, though I didn’t think I was.”

“What do you think distracted you?” she asked.

“A plethora of things.”

He never seemed to answer a question up front and she thought that was something she liked about him. It would probably grate on her after a while but maybe he didn’t do it with people he knew very well. Nah, he probably always did it. Ellie unlocked the door and Toby walked into her condo for the second time.

“Here, give me your coat.”

He slipped out of his charcoal grey peacoat, a gift from Andi two Christmases ago, and Ellie put it in her closet. She did the same with her own. He walked over to the couch.

“Any choice of coffee?” she asked.

“Yes, plain ole caffeinated coffee. I get so tired of all the jazz…the original is definitely the best.”

“That’s something we agree on. Plain ole coffee it is.”

Walking past the telephone, Ellie noticed the message light flashing. She knew herself well and if she didn’t check it now, it would go unnoticed for days.

“Do you mind if I check the messages?”

“As long as you don’t mind my looking around. Sometimes I don’t do too well with sitting still.”

“You'll have to tell me about that sometime. Move as freely as you like. The bathroom is down the hall.”

She pressed play and the mechanical voice came over the speaker. ‘You have four new messages and zero saved messages.’

BEEP! ‘Sweetheart, its mom. I have a special someone who wants to say goodnight.’  
The voice of a jubilant child filled the room. ‘Hi mommy, I love you. Night night. Are you sure she can hear me nana?’  
‘I'm sure honey. Alright Ellie, we’ll talk soon. Your father sends his love. Goodnight.’

BEEP! ‘Ellie, love, its Daniel.’ Toby stopped perusing her shelf when he heard the man’s voice. He sounded attractive, young, and as if he was never exhausted. ‘I haven’t heard from you in a week sweetheart so I wanted to check on you and my munchkin to make sure all was well. I know work is busy but don’t forget about the Christmas party next Saturday or the New Year’s Eve cocktail. You cannot stand me up anymore. I love you, call me.’

BEEP! ‘Eleanor, its Dr. Ben. I'm sorry to bother you at home but Sheila just called me and told me that the Hoffman grants came through. There are 30 candidates and 3 spots, maybe 4 if we squeeze. You, Dr. Campbell, and I will split them and pick two candidates from each pile. I am thinking of Greco-Roman gladiator matches to pick the final candidates.’ He laughed at his joke. ‘Have a great weekend kid. See you Monday.’

BEEP! ‘Hey Els Bells, it’s your sister. I knew you were in meetings but I wanted to call. I could not remember your new cell phone number and my brainiac husband is no help. Call me so I can send you the pictures of baby Jed in his little Notre Dame sweatshirt. Josh bought him the cutest Santa suit and that will be our Christmas card this year. Love you much, bye.’

The messages ended while Ellie was in the kitchen tinkering with the coffeemaker. It had been giving her trouble lately so of course it wanted to be super difficult tonight while she had company. She muttered under her breath at it but did not want to be mean outright as she was sure appliances had minds and temperaments. It was a bit slower than Ellie wanted but it was still churning.

“Do you need some help?” Toby stood in the doorway.

“Am I being too slow? This coffeemaker is really old and sometimes…”

“You are not being too slow Ellie. I just figured helping would prolong my sitting still.”

“Of course.” When she smiled, her whole face lit up. “The mugs are in that cabinet over there.” She pointed. “The creamer is in the refrigerator.”

He nodded and went about his work. The coffeemaker finally stopped. She took the mugs he handed her and filled them. Ellie didn’t know how Toby took his coffee so she left room for cream and sugar. He was standing right next to her; she wondered if the contents of her refrigerator appalled him. A variety of salad dressing, two bags of salad, a plate of chicken breasts, lunch meat, jam, and two bottles of white wine. She was sure other things were in there, like a six-pack of Diet Coke and the creamer, but nothing special.

Toby just stood there looking. He held the creamer, pulled it from the refrigerator, thought about it and put it back on the shelf. He turned, took gentle hold of Ellie’s shoulders, and turned her. The look in her eyes said she knew what he wanted and she wanted it too. She almost spoke but it would have taken something away…the moment was perfect. His lips were warm on hers, but not urgent. His tongue slid across her closed mouth. 

Ellie opened her mouth, at the same time wrapping her arms around his neck. The whiskers on his cheek tickled but didn’t scratch as Toby deepened the kiss. His hands caressed her back and pulled her closer to him. She could hear his heart thumping in his chest but maybe it was her own heart. Toby moaned when her hands moved through his dark hair and down the nape of his neck.

They finally pulled apart, their breathing labored. Toby leaned his forehead on hers.

“May I ask you a question?” he stroked her cheekbone with the pad of his thumb.

“Mmm hmm.”

“Is Daniel your boyfriend?”

“What? No.” she gave a light laugh. “He’s Connor’s husband. We've been friends since college. I have a question for you too.”

“Alright.”

“Would it be terrible if we skipped the coffee altogether?”

Toby smiled before she kissed him again. Ellie led him by the hand to her bedroom as the coffee sat neglected on the counter.

***


End file.
